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What Men Should Know About Addiction & Recovery

How Battling Addiction Is Also a Battle With Societal Norms for Men

February 24, 2025

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It’s easy to look at those struggling with addiction and addiction in general with an unsympathetic lens. “They should know better,” we proclaim. “Why did they start in the first place?”, we question. Or worse yet, “They did it to themselves,” we blame.

What’s missing from these statements is empathy — empathy that might be present if more people were aware of the full spectrum of addiction.

In most cases, addiction is not a human versus a vice, it’s a person coping with an underlying condition or issue. That underlying issue — that root cause of addiction — is especially hard for men to acknowledge, not only because of the way society views addicts and addiction, but also because of the way society views men.

“One of the strongest emotions connected to addiction is shame,” says Jor-El Caraballo, therapist and co-founder of Viva. “Because of the stigma we've long attached to addiction, having an issue with substances can produce a lot of shame, and shame thrives in silence.”

“As men, we're often taught to be hyper-independent and take care of things ourselves, so when we face something like addiction, admitting the need for help can produce a lot of shame for ‘failing’ to be able to resolve it ourselves,” he explains. “Giving ourselves compassion and grace is critical in finally opening up the need for professional and community support.”

Here we explore the ways in which man’s battle with addiction is also a battle with societal norms, and how the first step to overcoming addiction is to acknowledge it exists.

Why Acknowledging Addiction Is Hard for Men

Like with any element of consciousness and self-awareness, to admit an addiction first requires acknowledgement it exists. Unfortunately for many men who experience addiction, there’s a lack of self-awareness that can help facilitate the understanding that the addiction is actually an unconscious coping mechanism manifesting as an unhealthy behavior pattern.

Couple that with society’s largely negative views on addiction and you have a strong recipe for denial and projection — making it even harder for men to realize their role in their own addiction battle. When they do realize their role in their addiction, it’s often met with shame and resentment instead of humble acceptance.

“Admitting you have an addiction takes vulnerability and many men struggle with opening up and being vulnerable,” says Craig French, mindfulness and mindset coach. “Asking for help is seen as a weakness in patriarchal societies, but in reality, it shows an enormous amount of strength.”

“Acknowledging an addiction can be seen as having made a mistake or being a ‘failure,’ when in reality, there are so many reasons why people fall into addiction, many of which stem from childhood trauma, and may not be obvious until many years later,” French notes.

French also points out that addiction comes in many forms — not just drugs and alcohol. Those other forms of addiction can sometimes go undetected or be more easily hidden, but they’re just as debilitating.

“Addiction — whether to sex, substances, or other behaviors — is often misunderstood and deeply stigmatized by society,” says Lorin Krenn, author and men’s coach. “It is frequently seen as a failure of self-control, rather than recognized for what it often is: a coping mechanism to manage overwhelming emotions or unresolved pain.”

According to Krenn, society’s judgment intensifies and compounds the belief that addiction is a moral failing, leaving those affected feeling isolated and unworthy.

“Really it becomes an issue of behavior patterns,” says Cory Allen, author and host of the And Then It Hit Me podcast. “We get into the pattern of drinking, taking drugs, being addicted to our devices or numbness and we’re doing it because of the root cause, which is some type of pain we’re in.”

“What a lot of men do is repress their emotions or numb them somehow, and that’s where addiction comes in — numbing them out with alcohol, blurring them with drugs or desensitizing and putting their minds elsewhere through the digital world,” Allen adds.

Krenn believes most addictions in men follow a predictable cycle of shame that traps those struggling with addiction:

Man vows to “control” himself.
A trigger arises, and he gives in to the addiction.
As he indulges, there’s a painful awareness that this behavior is harmful.
Afterward, shame floods in, reinforcing feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness.

“The cycle then becomes self-perpetuating, making it harder to break free,” Krenn says. “For men, acknowledging an addiction is particularly challenging because it requires facing the deep-rooted shame that fuels the cycle. The act of admitting it can feel like a Herculean task. It’s not just about admitting the addiction itself — it’s about confronting the fear of shattering the perceptions others hold.”

Krenn lists the following as some of the most common fears men possess when it comes to admitting they have an addiction:

Fear of Judgment: Society’s view that “addiction is weakness” makes men fear judgment from friends, family and colleagues.
Fear of Letting Loved Ones Down: A father may worry about destroying his image as a role model for his children. A husband may fear losing his partner’s respect.
Fear of Vulnerability: Admitting addiction means exposing a part of oneself that has been kept hidden, often for years. For many men, vulnerability feels like failure, even though it is the first step toward healing.

“Breaking free begins with understanding that addiction is not a moral failing but a call to heal deeper wounds,” Krenn says. “The shame does not need to define you — it can be the very thing that opens the door to transformation.”

The Battle With Stigmas & Norms Around Addiction

What’s complicated about addiction — particularly for men — is that it’s not just an internal battle but also a battle with stigmas that society holds around addiction. Essentially, addiction is then two battles — one internal, the other external.

Battling your own inner demons is challenging enough, and when you add the societal pressures around addiction, overcoming them can seem near impossible.

“For a man going through addiction, he needs to attempt to silence the critics both in his head and in society and make his recovery his number one priority,” French says.

But it’s easier says than done, especially when men are told by society they have an image of “strength” to maintain.

“But much of the ‘power and strength’ men have historically been pressured to show is ultimately a show of control,” Allen says. “That’s one of the reasons why it’s hard for men to admit they have an addiction and to ask for the help or support they need.”

To be able to ask for support, men must first see and acknowledge it’s OK to do so — to understand that the pressure society has placed on them has been there for generations, and that it’s OK for them to walk a new path of greater vulnerability, which actually taps into their core strength as a man.

“One of the biggest stigmas around addiction and men is that you should be able to handle or resolve it on your own,” Caraballo says. “But addiction generally needs a lot of support to get to recovery. There's often a lot of shame for men in not knowing an answer or not being able to control a relationship to a substance or something else.”

Krenn notes that society often equates lack of control with a lack of willpower or moral failing.

“Men are traditionally expected to be strong and in control, so admitting to an addiction is often seen as a sign of weakness,” Krenn says. “Many men are conditioned to suppress their emotions and not show vulnerability. Addiction — often linked to emotional pain or trauma — challenges this stereotype, leading to fear of being judged as ‘less manly.’”

Krenn lists the following social pressures as some of the most universal challenges men face outside themselves when navigating addiction:

The “Tough It Out” Mentality: The idea that men should “man up” and fix their problems on their own discourages many from seeking professional help. Asking for help is often seen as a failure to handle the problem independently.
Shame Around Loss of Control: Addiction inherently involves a loss of control, which contradicts societal ideals of male dominance and self-mastery. This can lead to deep internalized shame.
Minimization of Mental Health Needs: Addiction is frequently tied to underlying mental health conditions. However, mental health struggles are often downplayed in men, leading to a lack of empathy and understanding for their struggles.

“There is a stigma around the concept of failure itself,” Krenn added. “Addiction is often viewed as a sign that a man has failed in life, which conflicts with the societal narrative that men must always succeed. When society shifts its lens from judgment to compassion, it empowers individuals to face their pain, break the cycle, and step into a place of worthiness and wholeness.”

Conquering Addictions and their Social Stigmas

The first step to making a change in one’s life is to notice the change you want to make. You can’t change what you don’t see, so when it comes to overcoming addiction, the first step is to give yourself grace and acknowledge an addiction in your life exists.

Whether food, drugs, porn, alcohol or any other substance or vice, the key is to look at your life outside yourself — as if you were talking with a good friend — and honestly identify what you see within yourself as the addictive behavior.

Once the behavior has been given the spotlight, an exploratory look at why the behavior exists can be conducted, but first the addiction needs to be recognized and a desire to change it needs to be present in order to move beyond it.

“Men first need to acknowledge they have a problem,” French says. “Then they have to be willing to ask for help.”

To do that, we must normalize addiction as a hurdle that — as humans — we have the potential to encounter, a hurdle we also have the potential to overcome.

“First, we have to realize that addiction is not a moral failing, it's an illness that requires care and support to resolve,” Caraballo says. “I also think it's critical for men, holistically, to find and maintain spaces and relationships that allow them to be more vulnerable.”

“Once you create the opportunity to share in a safer space, you almost always realize that someone else has the same concerns or challenges you do, and it's in these moments that embarrassment, isolation, and shame start to shrink,” he explains. “Opening up to one trustworthy person is often the start on the road to recovery.”

One helpful tool for that first step of acknowledgement on the road to recovery is the removal of shame. By taking accountability for yourself, you’re already halfway there. The next step is acceptance — giving yourself permission to accept your addiction, feel through the shame and not run from it will help you feel stronger and actually more in control of your life.

“Addiction thrives in the soil of shame,” Krenn says. “Shame perpetuates the cycle of obsession. Obsession makes a man feel out of control, disconnected, and powerless. The key to breaking this cycle is not more force, but love, acceptance, and compassion. If shame is met with a ruthless ‘push through it’ mindset, the energy fueling that change is one of rejection, not healing.”

“True transformation,” he says, “is built on the foundation of love. It might sound counterintuitive, but surrender is the first step. Surrender does not mean giving up; it means letting go of the stories, judgments, and deeply ingrained beliefs about oneself. It’s an act of allowing — allowing a higher power, an internal truth, or a deeper wisdom to flow through and guide the healing process.”

And the healing process is where the real work begins.

“They’ll need to get themselves into treatment and commit to the healing process, which may take a lifetime, and they must be patient with themselves, as relapse is a common occurrence,” French says. “They need to set small, manageable goals and have a rock-solid support system of friends, family, sponsors, clinicians, therapists, doctors and mentors.”

For French, part of that work involves reevaluating one’s environment, surroundings, friend groups and trying to eliminate the negative actors and influences that may drag them back into addiction.

“Healing begins when the cycle of shame is broken, and breaking it requires a shift in energy,” Krenn says. “Instead of fighting the addiction with guilt and self-loathing, a man must approach it with curiosity and compassion. What is this addiction trying to tell me? What pain or belief is at its root? This introspection leads to the core issue — often a deep-seated feeling of inadequacy or unworthiness.”

“Once identified,” he says, “this core wound can be addressed through targeted tools and practices like Hypnotherapy, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and somatic experiencing can be incredibly effective in accessing and releasing these emotions on a profound level.”

French believes having a strong spiritual practice such as mindfulness or yoga is also super valuable to help manage unsavory thoughts and emotions.

“So many of the ideas and themes that are laid on us in terms of having to look strong [and] self-sufficient,” says Allen. “Those things are definitely in the collective consciousness.”

“But generally, the immediate people around you don’t care about any of that,” he notes. “If a man is in a situation where they need help, they should ask those around them.”

The story that they have in their heads about the right way to be, Allen says, is more often a projection.

“Being present, coming to terms with that, recognizing what you’re feeling, labeling it, and then knowing it’s OK to ask those around you for help is really a useful way to proceed,” he says.

For a person who’s concerned they might not get the support or might have their trust betrayed if they ask for help, Allen suggests seeing that as a red flag.

“Something to remember is if that happens, you don’t want that person in your life anyway,” Allen says. “That’s not a true friend or a real relationship based on love and respect.”

While the battle for men overcoming addiction is multi-layered and can appear complex, it doesn’t have to be. If we can normalize addiction as a societal challenge to overcome rather than a situation to despise, we can change the perception and the narrative around it to allow for less shame and more accountability over one’s circumstance.

From there, men can view the underlying cause(s) of their addiction objectively, enlisting the love and support of their family and friends to assist them in their recovery efforts.

“The path is not one of force but of integration,” Krenn says. “By meeting the addiction with understanding and using tools that allow for deeper healing, men can transform their relationship with themselves, conquer the addiction, and transcend the stigma surrounding it.”

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